SoraniSasayaku

     Thanks to one of my awesome friends, I now have CS6 adobe master collection. I had some issues with the CS5 that i had because I um ehem . . . . . did not pay for it. . .and ehem . . . .had an illegal version. 

so much crap to do!
i dont know how i manage to finish it all sometimes. . .
but i've decided to 'upgrade' my social life LVL
because this vagina-carrying-biatch needs some
excitement.

have you met someone you felt so comfortable with? someone funny/interesting/has goals and does them/attractive/share similar interests?

i feel this way.
and the night before yesterday i felt AMAZING!
by amazing: there was nothing else i was thinking about during that time and afterwards. i loved the intimate time and meeting some of his friends.
there was one part i regret not doing because i got nervous, i hope that right time can come again before i leave and im not forgotten.

i want to make my feelings clear, but i also need to know if i am a 'fling' or something more.  if a mate wants a fling, he can look somewhere else for that.  : P

when i visit carmens house she asked me if i liked him.
i explained a little and she said , "when you are in love there is nothing else you want to do". maybe she sees me as being in love?

anyways, going to visit grama. hopefully wont go crazy/mad by the end of that....
suppose to stay overnight... :/

1) journal views
i just realized that i have more journal views than actual art views?
that doesn't make sense.
is what i write more interesting than what I draw?
i mean do i really do that much of a shitty job in my drawings?
or are people just lazy to click the "view gallery" link?
so just wanted to point that out.

i mean i realize that i don't have many views for my deviations,
but i also think i don't completely submit shit in DA....

2) criticism
today in animation class, we pitched our beat boards. of course it's
affected me. i would be lying if i had said some shit like, "you're
annoying as hell, but i dont let your words get to me".
what is important is: i was told that my characters looked too similar,
and that the only things that set them apart was their hair and the
fact that the UK guy has a mustache. but i'm like, "um....they
have totally different clothes on....". but i didn't say this.
second, for one girl the intro was confusing because i just didn't bother
explaining it that much. she asked, "what's the reason?". I say, "he
wants to make money". she says, "i just don't get why he wants
to make money". and again i'm thinking, "well during the 1600's,
europe wanted to expand their economic power and other silly things",
but i didn't want to sound mean...
and third, what had annoyed me the most, is that the girl i just
utterly just...don't like, says things like (again) the characters look
too similar, and asks if i'm a fan of hetalia (totally useless question),
because it looked like i just copied from it. (seriously? that means
that you totally weren't paying attention to what i was saying since
all you do is talk about yourself and ignore everyone else by gluing your
eyes to your shitty laptop, or it means that you haven't seen much of
hetalia and you're just basing your opinion based on like part of the first
episode.)
trust me there are a lot of things that i thought after she said that,
but she just isn't worth it.     .....bitch.

but what i liked most is that the teacher noticed the good things about it,
and the way he put what i had to work on was more of constructive criticism.
everyone else in that class, its just so easy to criticize something but when
it comes to suggestions they have nothing to say.

don't worry bitches. i have an opinion. i may not always say it because
it's not appropriate for the time, and i'd rather just ignore the person.

graaaaaaa. this gets me so pissed off.

3) deleted contact
some people may get mad at me for what i am saying now, but take this
into consideration before your brain starts working with no background info
on the situation.
*cough* *cough* person B is all nice to me and shit, and i figured i could be
friends with person B so i ask for their phone number. (its easier to keep in
contact that way). this B person is like your typical 'me' generation of americans
who has a passive aggressive nature, and thinks they already know everything,
and talk about themselves alot. anyway, we start talking for a bit,
and recently person B has texted me a couple times (i respond), but just
leaves you hanging. yknow? like person B will give me a text, i text back
almost immediately, and then i'm left waiting for a response for about 20-30
minutes. not cool.

when someone texts me i figured is because they just want to say something
quick and get it over with. with this person its like a boring conversation
that just drags on for hours. and that pisses me off. if they just want to text
because they want to kill time/are bored/or just want to talk them TELL ME!!
i will understand. but to expect me to just talk to you for no good reason
over fucking long txt messages is not my thing.
this person B, i also figured out, is a bit emotional. (actually they remind me
of my ex.) and they're that type of person that "you say something but
it means something else". i totally hate that. when i say, "i like pizza"
i mean "I LIKE PIZZA". it has no hidden message or any of that bullshit.

so a few hours ago, i decided, because this person just pisses me off, and
is that sort of type, that person B can't be a friend. maybe as an acquaintance,
but nothing more. so i deleted person B from my contacts on my phone.
and said the hell with it. i don't need that negative energy around me.
i don't need that person who loves to complain about everything.
i don't need that person who doesn't answer my questions directly nor
is direct when talking.
i dont need that passive aggressive personality around me.
so the hell with it. if they don't like it, it's not my problem.

finding good friends is like finding a good pair of shoes. I like looking
for shoes because they don't talk back to me and i don't feel pissed
off if they don't fit. so i easily discard it, or try to find if they have the
same shoe/ different size but in another store (if i really like it).
i have big feet, and i have accepted that US shoe
industry doesn't make pretty shoes for my size foot, but people are full
of emotional baggage and i shouldn't be wasting my time to see if they
are friend-compatible.
the hell with that.

so i don't feel bad that i deleted person B from my phone. I feel bad
because i feel like i put in effort/time for a person i want to know and end
up figuring out that it just wont work. i feel pissed off because there
are so many bullshitters in my school, and its hard to find that one
nice person. i'm mad because so many people in my life have let me down,
and that makes me think that i can only depend on myself.

lately i've submitted multiple deviations that i've done to the bestofanimegirls group, at least the new ones, but each time i get declined. and i just don't get it. i know recently ive gotten better on the technical stuff, but still being declined? wtf?

so this time I tried to submit this: soranisasayaku.deviantart.com/…  to their chibi folder, but you guessed it, i got declined again. so i figured no more trying with not knowing! i simply just asked, "can you let me know why this was declined?", and this was the answer i got:

"Of course! This was a super close and tough decision to make! And unfortunately it was declined this time as we felt that although there are some wonderful qualities to your artwork submission, such as your amazing eye for drawing perfectly in proportion and your lovely imagination for character design, we felt that overall perhaps some of the shadows could be more deep and involved with the nature of the light/texture/material
For example the shadows on her hair seem a little bit blurry and although there certainly would be shadows running down each strand of the hair, perhaps also consider the horizontal ?  And highlights on the hair too would be nice and really add an ambiance and sparkle to your already cute character!
We felt that the lineart was a little too thick, and although it did not matter on her hair, in closer drawn places, such as her hands, it looks not very elegant and clumpy, which is the opposite to the actual drawing of the character as she is very feminine and delicate!
In other parts the thick lineart also looked odd, was the blue top where her chin would be, perhaps if there was some form of shadow on the skin on top of this, it might make it look more connected ... but we feel the skin in general could use some more colour! I can see when squinting that there is a hint of this along her jawline, but perhaps if this was more dominant and maybe also a blush tint on her cheek, this would just help make the lineart less overpowering!
Overall we truly loved seeing your artwork despite the decline, and we can see that you are very talented so we hope that this does not put you off submitting in the future as I have no doubt we will be accepting soon!
many thanks
-yupon"


....um. ok thanks? i felt like this was more on stylistic choice. For example, i didn't want the shading to be "deep and involved" because that makes the image look more flat. and I did add highlights but for both of these things i wanted to make them subdued because that's just the style i like. i don't like horizontal highlights that much, also.
2nd) i like the thick lines. that's part of the style choice i made. and having a shadow so that the top part of the dress doesn't look awkward isn't possible since there isn't much space for that. the dress neck is ontop of the face, not the other way around.
3rd) there is not much space to make deep skin shadows on skin since there isn't much space to do that. again this is a style choice. does this (bestofanimegirls.deviantart.co…) have many skin shadows and more color? shouldn't this one bestofanimegirls.deviantart.co… have more skin shading and more color and more highlights and tint on the cheeks?
4th) i tried the cheek thing but i didn't like how it looked, because i didn't want her to look like she was blushing or wearing make-up.

plus this is the only thing they point out, regarding on what they accept: bestofanimegirls.deviantart.co…


i guess i'm just frustrated because i felt they were being too picky compared to some of their other deviations which i know my work is better.
i appreciate that my question was answered, but if their workstaff is being that picky then its time for me to look for another group that accepts different stylistic choices. just like in the anime/manga genre, not all manga styles look the same.
and that's that.